Gum.
Gum is stupid.
People use gum for many things that could easily be replaced by something all-around better. They chew a stick of gum after they eat. Those are what mints are for. They chew a stick of gum instead of brushing their teeth. They chew a stick of gum to "concentrate" during tests. They chew a stick of gum when they want something sweet, even though the flavor lasts for 5 minutes (if you're lucky). And then they start popping their gum.
POPPING. THEIR GUM.
If I wanted to light a small firecracker in the middle of class, I would gladly do so. But these little elastic sugar strips are like firecrackers that last for ∞. Yes, ∞. They're not as loud as firecrackers, but the amount of times you can make it go off sure makes up for it. And it's like the person is trying to compete in some universal competition to make the loudest pop.
Another curse it has made on our society is how it affects social conversation. It bothers me to death when people talk with gum in their mouths, especially if they are lecturing something (school classes, Sunday school, etc.). I remember in my Film Winterim when I saw someone chewing their gum before we shot the next part of our film. I just shouted right out and made a general announcement: "If you are chewing gum, and you are in this shot, spit it out right now." Dowdle and Gashler backed me up. It's just not something you should do socially.
Chewing gum is literally made of rubber. That is what gum is. A big sugar-coated stick of rubber that you place in your mouth and grind your teeth into. If dentists say it's good for your mouth, then good. That's how it was invented in the first place – as a dental tool.
So if you chew your gum, do it in private, or when you're riding that subway or bus to work; no one wants to see you mash rubber in your jaw like a cow as you speak.
This feels like it could have a little revision and then turned into a quasi-Onion article.
ReplyDeleteVery nice.
Heh. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteMaybe I can get the Stannard's help on making it Onion-worthy.
Chewing gum is a habit much in the spirit of smoking. If you're trying to curb an impulse or addiction some psychiatrists will suggest chewing a stick of gum whenever you think about doing whatever it is you're trying to stop doing. There's a reason nicotine comes in gum form.
ReplyDeletePopping gum on the other hand is just plain irritating.
And there are several times in the course of a day where it's unacceptable. Performing arts recitals are the prime example. No performer--singer, instrumentalist, actor, dancer, orator--should chew gum. Even if you're portraying a gum-chewer, you have to be a really good actor to work with it properly. At best it's a hassle; at worst it completely ruins the performance.