muddled.

Today, I have so many different thoughts that I want to convey all at the same time. This could easily be done by creating several individual posts, since each thought is so individual from the other, but that could create some confusion. Instead, I'll split this single post into several sections. That should make it work out.




AQUARIUM
I was sitting in sacrament meeting today, close to the wall and by myself. No different from any other Sunday. After the closing prayer, a member of the bishopric stood up and began making some announcements. He asked if there were any new faces in the ward, and wanted them to stand up. I got curious and started looking around the congregation. It wasn't the people standing up that suddenly caught my eye, though; instead, close to that person, was a guy sitting down. Chomping his gum. His mouth was flapping open and closed. In the row behind him, a girl was doing the same thing. My eye started catching all these mouth opening and closing, forming large O shapes. I made this connection: I was in a congregation of goldfish.

Probably the best realization I've ever had. I know I've stared at a goldfish for a few minutes, watching its small mouth open and close, open and close as it breathed. The action only added to the fish's stupidity, since it was something it just did at all times. This comparison between goldfish and people chomping their gum is so perfect, because it illustrates just what I mean when I said that chewing gum publicly made you look like an idiot. So continue chewing, my silly goldfish. The world is watching.


DEXTEROUS
I made an interesting observation today. I was trying, on my left hand, to touch my index finger and my pinky together by putting my middle and ring fingers down and having the index finger and pinky flex across my knuckles using their own muscles. Eventually, they barely scraped each other. Curious, I tried doing it with my right hand. I was surprised to see that my right hand was not nearly as flexible as my left hand was. And then I started thinking about how much I use my right hand for simple manual tasks that require strength, and my left hand is used more for smaller and accurate tasks. This is best demonstrated on the violin, since your left hand is the one that holds down the strings to play certain notes. Same principle with the guitar. It's incredible how the hand we don't use for most things actually does a lot more than we think.


MOP TOP
I love my mop top. I'm very proud of it, and I think it looks good on me. I've gone my entire life having shorter hair, really, and this decision to have a mop top didn't come around until the winter of my Junior year. Pretty recent change. It wasn't until I got my missionary haircut that I found out just how warm all this hair is.

On to my point. I've been really terrible at matching faces to names in the singles ward lately, because everyone looks just about the same. On the other hand, people that know my name (or try to) remember my character very well, surprisingly. I say "surprisingly" because for most of my life I've felt like I'm a guy with a face that looks like everyone else's. That, or people just don't care to know about me one bit. Yet, in this single's ward, that's changed. I blame the hair. All these single guys that come in straight from their missions, looking for a girl, keep the clean-cut missionary look, sort of as a tag that says "I served a mission". People seem to remember me because of this mop top I have. And I'm the only one in the ward who has it. Trust me, I've looked. The closest someone's come to having one is this one guy, Danny, who has long hair and a big beard. He's cool. He has a band, and plays piano very well. Anyway, people have remembered my name, and what's more, can point me out of a crowd as "the guy who has done such-and-such" – in today's case, got called to Little Rock, Arkansas. I haven't gotten a reputation as having done anything that's in my social or school life, but hey, it's a start.


DESU
I've been attending the UVU Anime Club. Right now, I can count the number of non-weeaboos on only one hand out of the dozen or so members. It tries my patience quite often. It's not exactly the worst I've endured; putting up with certain little kids is MUCH worse. I guess I just hope a change occurs in them, just like it did with me.

I was once a weeaboo. I probably still have a few elements in me. I know exactly what it's like to do the Caramelldansen and think Naruto and Bleach are cool. I would put a few Japanese words into my responses, and I was ignorant to actual Japanese culture. I liked anime because it was anime. What other reason could there be?

I've grown a lot since then, and I am so dang happy about that. Words can't express how frustrated I am with the weeaboo community now that I know how to be smart with anime. But that said, I was terribly bullied when I was a weeaboo. I didn't really realize this until last week when Stephen started going into my past Facebook updates. I would post a weeaboo comment, and I was attacked nearly every time by certain people. I guess I had pushed that out of my mind, or maybe I grew from it. I don't know. But I know one thing: I'm sure not going to bully the guys in this club, not if there's a chance for an individual to change like I did. Stephen said something I liked. "Either you grow out of anime, or you grow up with it", meaning either you consider a majority of anime childish; that it's just more cartoons, or you look for the art in it and know what makes an anime outstanding or utter garbage. I think that's the role I've taken on myself for this club. In humanities, we learned that the theater has been meant in ancient and modern times to change a person from what they were at the beginning of the show to something totally different through the play's performance. Anyone can tell you of a particular book, movie, video game or story of some sort that has changed the way they look at life in some way, big or small. I want to show the club something different from the big-breasted harem 75-episode series they're used to. And that's half an exaggeration, too. Luckily, a couple of the members are willing to let me take them down this path. I hope I can change a few people, like I have changed.

This isn't the only reason I'm attending club activities, of course. I want to learn from them as well. Everyone has different experiences to bring to the table. I'm waiting for someone to change me, like I hope to change them. I'll never find out if this change is possible unless I become proactive and search for it.

Also, just to throw this out there: being with the weeaboos won't bring back my weeaboo habits. In fact, it will only drive them further away as I scorn at what I once was. Not all the club members are bad, though. In fact, those few I mentioned that aren't weeaboos seem to be on the same ball as me. They grew up with anime. I've already created strong ties with them, so it's nice to have them there to back me up.


MEMOS
I decided to take a small index card and a pen with me to church today. I feel like I have many small things I'd like to do, but I can only remember them once I crawl into bed, and the day has ended. So, as they came to my mind, I wrote things down. I was incredibly surprised to find just how many things I wanted to do, and later on, how much I was able to accomplish. This could turn into a great habit for me. In fact, this long blog post is a product of that small index card.


LIFE CONT.
I've started going to UVU, and it's been a refreshing experience. I have assignments and need to study for tests. All this learning sure feels great after the mind-numbing silence I've had since graduation. For the record, I love learning.

I also started working at Trafalga. Eight-hour work days are tough on the legs, but at least things stay interesting. I work the Go-Karts and batting cages. People cooperate, for the most part. The machines, not so much. But we do our best as Trafalga's workers to maintain an upbeat attitude, even if things don't work out.

Life's been balancing itself out. I have busy times, I have times to relax. If anything, everything feels productive. It satisfies my human nature, and gives me security. Life still has a few hiccups because of mistakes I've made, but there's one element that hasn't failed me yet: patience and time.