beacon.

I came home from church early today.

I've lived in Utah for 7 7/12 years now. It was a hard move for my whole family; we had lived in California since most of the family was born, and leaving California, let alone our neighborhood and ward we were moving from, was very emotional.



However, the moment we began filling our house with furniture, people came from all over the neighborhood. Complete strangers. They moved our stuff in, greeted themselves, gave small gifts; it was like they had never seen a human being before, and they were curious to know more about us. Our family will never forget the kindness they gave us the entire 7 years we lived in their company. In that ward and that community, I made very close friends: Jordan Bingham, Jared Butler, Harrison Parker, Conner Adam, Ian Janjua, and Tyson Hatch, just to name a few. Tyler Haws was in my ward, and we went to his Lone Peak basketball games. The entire ward held their breath to see what university he would go to, and after he selected BYU and became a regular basketball player there, our ward spent mutual nights seeing him playing basketball again, only this time for a major college. Several elderly people have been fasted and prayed for; many have recovered, a few lost. Young men's leaders knew you since you were small, and always loved to help you if you were in need. You always had a way to contact them. They weren't the overly-spiritual kind of guys, either (not saying it's wrong, but it does put a small damper on how close a friendly bond can be if you're solely focused on those things). Heck, when I was a Teacher, we had Halo tournaments every other month. HALO. PLAYED BY 14-YEAR-OLDS FOR A CHURCH ACTIVITY. People have come and gone on missions; whether they be elderly or young.

To say the least, this was my ward family.

And then we moved.

Our family didn't exactly expect the same treatment in Cedar Hills as we did moving into Alpine. It seemed like a nice, quiet community. We came with open minds and an understanding that we had to start over in making new relationships.

Why did I leave church early? Because church has no longer become a place where friends can come and worship together. The terms we so often use of "Brother" and "Sister" become obsolete.

It is a building of no-name figures and their no-name, uncontrolled children speaking emotionless words that mingle in the air to ears of other ambiguous beings. It's a desert of flesh with no individuality; it simply is. Every face looks the same, every voice as monotone as the last. You sit alone in any crowd you mingle with. You're lucky if you can even hear any voices from all the talking and screaming of children that are rebuked by parents. You're lucky if you can feel any Spirit from all the talking and screaming...

I would say that my family moving into this ward gives an aura of pure alienation. But that would be incorrect. In this small world of the Cedar Hills 14th ward, everyone is an alien to each other. My family only added to this soup of people.

Last week, my family went back to our old ward to see a return missionary's homecoming talk. After the meeting, we spent a good hour visiting with old friends, talking about life and sharing funny experiences. On the drive back home, my dad said something to this effect: "You know, it is truly self-gratifying when people walk up to you for a chat. They WANT to talk to you. And the best part is, they can have a discussion like nothing has change since you left. That just tells you who your friends are." See, what did I tell you?

Please understand...me leaving church does not mean I am leaving THE church. I still have lots of faith in it, and it will be my beacon of light forever. I just want to find people that create that light.

Next week, I will see if I can become an Elder. Then, I will attend the singles ward that is across the street from the Timpanogas Temple. I hope I can find the light there.