koe.

Many of you know that I'm a big fan of Hatsune Miku. Shortly after I returned from my mission, I discovered a song that had been written back in 2012 by my favorite group that uses the Vocaloid program. The group is called supercell (with a lower-case 's'), and they were made famous through using Miku's voice. The group leader, Ryo, leads the band and writes most of the music and lyrics. 

Since supercell's beginnings in 2007, they have used several live vocalists to sing their music. However, Ryo likes to surprise the community by releasing songs sung by Miku every once in a while. His latest song, Odds & Ends, has a very touching story. It is a self-portrait of Ryo's life as he has become big through his music using the Vocaloid program. This song is a tribute to the medium and singer that helped him shine. Please listen, and then I'd like to talk about it a little bit.

Odds & Ends

by Ryo

Lyrics translated to English

You've always been hated
Unlucky, you're made to do things
And at last, get caught in the rain
The wind blows away your favorite umbrella
Saying "good work"
The stray over there steps on your legs

As usual, you're hated
Pushed away without doing anything
Even though you tried
The reason is "vague" and
You're both confused and sad

So, you should use my voice
Some people say it's incomprehensible
And a dissonant
Bad-sounding voice
But I'm sure it will be of use to you
So please let me sing
With your own, your very own words

Spell them out and put them together
Because I will scream out those words
I won't let anyone touch
The ideals and feelings that you paint

And so the voice of a piece of trash echoes
Awkwardly connecting the truth
A loud voice raised to full volume

Eventually, you became popular
I'm also proud that you're recognized by so many people
But eventually, you changed
You became colder, but also seemed lonely

There are plenty of voices of opportunity
"I am myself." And so
You then uncontrollably
Began to hate me
Behind you, someone said
"Even though he's just pretending"
You must have been crying all alone

Can you hear? With this voice
I'll drown out all the insulting words
I understand, you really
Are kinder than anyone else

And so the voice of a piece of trash sang
For no one else, but for your sake
Overcoming the grating and squeaking limits

Together, surely we came up with
A lot of words
But now, we cannot come up with anything
But I understand everything
"I see, this is a dream.
A dream that I'll never wake up from, where I met you"

Wearing a happy expression, the piece of trash
Won't move anymore, no matter how much how many times it's called for
In the conclusion that should have been desired
You cry out. "It must be a lie. It must be a lie."
So you cry out

"I'm powerless.
Unable to save even a single piece of trash"
The emotions turn to tears
And run down those cheeks

At this time
The world immediately
Changes color
Happiness and sadness
I know that everything is
One and the same

In this world where words turn to songs
Once again, I begin to run for your sake
Putting intent into my voice
Now, feelings resound

--------------------------------------------

I love this song. The instruments sound great, and Miku's voice sounds a lot more natural than she does in most of her songs. I love Ryo's use of piano and electric guitar.

What I love more about the song, though, is its story. Vocaloid was created to give song-writers a vocalist that could adapt to any singing situation. Or, I'd like to think in Ryo's case, he was such a small-time artist that he didn't have the means to get a decent vocalist behind his songs. He could make all the music using his own keyboard and some friends that could play instruments, but there was never a voice to it.

Then he discovered Miku. He discovered his voice.

Through Miku, Ryo became big. He became famous. His songs were all over the Internet. They made it into video games and concerts. People wanted more, and he gave them more. He moved on to hire a beautiful young voice named Yanagi Nagi (whose voice I also adore). She was also a no-name musician until supercell found her and made her their lead vocalist. Supercell now has a new lead singer, but I'm honestly not a fan of her.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that during his time with Nagi, Ryo got kinda big-headed. At least, that's what the song implies. He wrote this song to remind everyone – and himself – of where he had come from, and how he got there.

What I love most about this song is its message of how we never triumph alone. We could never have come this far by ourselves, and we needed the strength of others along the way. I'm not saying Ryo's ladder to fame was made possible solely because of a computer program, but he stuck to a medium and to people that he enjoyed and made a name for himself with them.

It makes me wonder whose "voice" I'm using, or will use, to come out of the dark...

teaching.

Sunday school is one of my favorite parts of church. You go into class, learn from the Bible or the Book of Mormon and hear different life examples from the teacher or fellow students. Maybe even a game or visual representation is involved. There's also the chance that it's simply hearing the teacher speak or everyone reads out of the manual. These are not bad ways that a Sunday school class can be held (except for reading out of the manual, because it can be awfully boring). But today, during my own Sunday school class, I was amazed at how much my teacher lacked to begin class on any good note. I'm not sure if he was able to redeem himself later on because I walked out of the classroom before he even began teaching.

This is the second time I have seen this particular Sunday school teacher begin a class like this. He walks in and calms the class down. He says, "I haven't been here for a while, so I don't know what lesson we're on. But apparently it's Chapter 15." Then he explains, "I'm not going to use the pulpit because I hate speaking, so today is going to be a lot of discussion. I want to hear from you guys." Then finally, to "set up" his "lesson", he asks us to "think of the most worldly possession you want in your life."

That was when I walked out.

Like I said before, this was the second time I heard this particular teacher start a class off this way. The last time it happened must have been a month and a half ago, and I've tried to avoid the teacher since. I didn't choose to go into his class this week. I entered a room with no teacher, and he walked in after. I didn't walk out of the class the first time he made this wonderful introduction, but I probably should have. I talked to my parents about it at home afterwards and they were just as appalled as I was.

This is in no way attacking this teacher's own beliefs or lifestyle. I'm not in any position to judge who he is outside of church, what his dreams are or any of that, because I honestly don't have any clue. I'm not contending against any doctrine or function of the church, either. All I want to point out is how wrong this sort of teaching process is and how it can be done better. I want so badly to ask the guy if he ever served a mission because there are such basic teaching principles that any missionary pick up.

"I haven't been here for a while, so I don't know what lesson we're on." It's ok to not come to church completely prepared for a lesson. You know how many times, as a missionary, I was asked to bear my testimony on the spot, or teach a Sunday school lesson to a dozen people without writing a single note? It happens. And at that point, you can only rely on the Spirit to help you, which it does. But you don't have to go announcing to the world that you are totally unprepared and that the next hour is going to be a bumpy ride of unorganized thoughts. If you appear to know what you're doing, your audience will think you know what you're doing. I'm not saying it's a game of "fake it 'til you make it". I know for myself that anyone that wants to teach the gospel in a spur-of-the-moment situation will be given divine power to do so.

Also, didn't Elder Holland say in a recent conference talk how we shouldn't begin our self-evaluations by pointing the bad things out first? He says "that's like stuffing a turkey through the beak". That blunt phrase (and humorous imagery) really hit me when I first heard it, and I've tried to keep a strong attitude in everything I strive to do, coupled with a meek heart that knows I have many things to improve.

"I'm not going to use the pulpit because I hate speaking, so today is going to be a lot of discussion." Discussion is not bad. The fact that he hates speaking is not bad, either. The church is infamous for calling people to challenging positions, and I'm certain that being a teacher is a challenge for this guy. But does everyone need to know that a) he is in an extremely uncomfortable position for himself and b) he just threw the entire teaching job onto our own backs, and he's expecting us to bear his burden? That phrase alone told me that he didn't care to be there, didn't care what was said, and just expected the Spirit to be found within someone's tear-jerking story at some point. Again, I look in the direction of Elder Holland's message, along with the famous line from Singin' in the Rain, "Dignity. Always dignity."

I'm pretty sure that he was getting a joke out there or something in an attempt to loosen up the class and break the ice, but quite the opposite effect happened. Other than the two infamous teaching sessions, I've sat in his classes a few other times before. There was absolutely no participation from his audience. He asked the class to recount the story of Moses, and I was the only person telling the story (for my personal memory, I want to mention his version of the story of Moses came from the Dreamworks film The Prince of Egypt, which is flawed in multiple ways from the Biblical account). Now, I have a habit it a classroom that I don't like to answer a teacher's question twice in a row so that others may participate and I won't like like a teacher's pet. After I'd answer his question, the next question would be followed by a really awkward silence amongst the ten people sitting there. Anyhow, I hope this illustrates just how uninvolved his teaching audience is even though he makes attempts to break the ice with his distrusting comments at the beginning of class.

"I want you to think of the most worldly possession you want in your life." I think I'm more amazed that he pulled this card in the introduction of another one of his lessons altogether. In fact, it was even worse the first time because it was precluded with reading a chapter out of the Old Testament. Some good, solid, God-driven miracles were happening in that chapter. Then his follow-up question to the chapter was, "what is your favorite movie?" Ok, so it's not the same question, per se, but you'll agree with me that it's basically saying, "now think of something really worldly."

The Spirit was gone in that instant. What is everyone thinking about in the classroom at that moment? Not the gospel. Not about why they're at church, or how they can become more Christlike. With some context, that question can be better, like, "What are some changes we can make in our lives? Are there any movies in our homes we should probably get rid of?" Bam. Implication of Christlike change. "There are some real distractions out in the world today. What are some of the worldly possessions you really desire? What would be something better to invest in or spend more time towards?" You see how a question next to the question can change its meaning so much? But no, this teacher will address the contrast of the two ideas in the middle or towards the end of the lesson, because it keeps you hooked, right? Wrong. It makes you think of worldly things the whole time you sit there as the teacher goes on to read more out of the manual.

*Dismounts soap box* Like I said in the beginning, I don't want to come off as attacking the church or this particular teacher. What I'm trying to address is the teaching method itself, because anyone can make these mistakes. I'm sure I've made them. So I'm not coming away from this thinking, "Man, bishop sure screwed up calling this idiot," because that's God's call. And I'm certain God has a purpose for this man in his calling. What I obtain from this is learning how to be a better teacher. To start off a teaching moment confident, regardless of how prepared you are. To establish that the teacher may guide the class, but everyone can learn from everyone in a respectful way. And last, to always stay on the spiritual side of things and teach to change. Changing is the most important part of this life, and we all have to help each other do it.

I really want to say something to this teacher. I want to help him see what he can do better, but I don't think I have the courage to (or the stature. This guy is one burly dude). I'm afraid, though, that if nothing is done, then nothing will change, and these lessons will become potentially hurtful to other people like they have been to me. That's mostly how I feel. I feel scared. Scared that things won't change.

crush.

I fell in love with a man today.

A historian, artist, foreigner, romantic, and peacemaker are only a few of the wonderful traits that belong to Yousuf Karsh.

I've been asked to study about him in my photography course. I'd like to say, first of all, that my educational experience so far has never ceased to be a blessing to me because of the many doors professors place in my way that I eventually find to be just what I was looking for all along. I've seen the world through different eyes multiple times, each time so uniquely beautiful from other times past. I've read about Chinese families making new lives for themselves in The Joy Luck Club. I've been in the shoes of a young girl as her Mexican family adjusted to America in The House on Mango Street. Fahrenheit 451 projected to me the importance of cherishing the classical and human part of society and ourselves. I never would have found any of these stories without the guidance of the educational system.

Today, I discovered another man's story. Karsh is a famous photographer who immigrated to the Americas from Armenia at 17. He began as a landscape photographer but eventually moved on to photograph portraits of the most famous and talented names in history. His photos are still iconic.

Told ya so.

What impressed me most about this man was not his photographs, but the stories behind each photo itself. I'm not talking about a short little biography about who each person he photographed is, either. There always seemed to be a pleasant get-to-know-you before each photo session, coupled with creating an environment in which the subject would portray their true inner selves for the camera.

For example, in the instance of Albert Einstein, Karsh asked Einstein what would happen if another atomic bomb was released onto the world. Einstein replied by saying, "Alas, we will no longer be able to hear the music of Mozart." Now, repeat that phrase as you view the picture above of Einstein. Can't you see the wisdom and simplicity in his demeanor? The sad look in his eyes that he is responsible for the most deadly weapon on Earth, and yet contentment that the world around him is a beautiful divine creation worth exploring?

As Karsh photographed a woman named Marian Anderson (a famous singer), he felt as though he couldn't quite capture the image of her that he had envisioned. One of Marian's accompanists entered the room for a rehearsal, and Karsh had the idea of having him play Marian's favorite song. As the accompanist played, Marian hummed along, and captured this image.

Karsh wasn't just a photographer. He was a storyteller with the goal of capturing his subject in their most ideal state of mind, creating extremely personable and emotional works of art.

This guy is so cool~

twitch.

It's been a while since I last posted anything for the intent of blogging lately, so I'll just cut the fluff and get to blogging.

If you haven't heard, the last two and a half weeks have given birth to a revolutionary new phenomenon. Someone began an online game of Pokemon Red in which any user that submitted an action command to the host site's chat box could control the character on the screen. You type "up", the game makes your character move up. Type in "start", and you open the menu. It's a very basic concept for getting a community to enjoy a video game together.

Then it exploded. Twitch Plays Pokemon has become one of the most trafficked websites on the Internet lately, and for good reason. At time of writing,  over 38 million users have viewed the live feed since its beginnings a couple weeks ago, and tens of thousands of people are constantly giving the game commands to decipher. It's like having a gigantic room filled with over 50,000 patrons inside, shouting orders for a single man holding a Gameboy Color to put into his game. And the man obeys flawlessly, no matter how repetitious or ridiculous the commands may seem.

If you want to catch up to how a majority of the playthrough in Pokemon Red went, you can read it here. The game was finally beaten at 1am on Saturday morning, which was just yesterday. Here are its final statistics as far as game time and viewing traffic. Today began the playthrough of Pokemon Crystal, which has already developed its own unique story.

Now, that's all a lot of information, but what I want to illustrate from it is that Twitch Plays Pokemon is actually a really cool idea. For me and my friends, we're not among the 50,000 people crammed into a room, trying to control a game that is simultaneously being controlled by 49,999 other players. My friends and I are on the outside in a noise-proofed room, watching the game screen as the Pokemon trainer continues to talk to the same people, run into the same walls and fight Level 3 Rattata with a Level 60 Pidgeot. We're the viewers, appreciating the personality and the story that has emerged from the collaboration of so many people that love this classic game.

A couple of my favorite highlights from Pokemon Red are AATTVV the Venemoth, affectionately nicknamed the All-Terrain Venemoth, and Digrat, the Raticate that knew the move Dig. Dig transports you out of caves and buildings, which Digrat was very good at doing at the most inconvenient times. However, I'm not a supporter of the whole Pidgeot is a Bird Jesus thing or the All-Knowing Helix Fossil. Just personal opinion.

Now, only 6 hours into the new game, we have Lasergator the Totodile (since its Leer attack looks like CRAZY LASER ACTION), Admiral ADiiiiiiih the Sentret (nickname is just ADiiiiiiih) and Oxxy Ozzworm the Caterpie (its nickname is OXXOZ). Oh, and Pidgey, but at this point is seems like people are just trying to make it another Bird Jesus, which is dumb. Hopefully it gets released. All these Pokemon are in possession of a trainer named AJDNNW, which roughly translates to AJ Down.

Pokemon games have always been about the trainer. The trainer finds the Pokemon he likes, catches it, and then trains it with moves that he likes to use. The trainer calls the shots, and Pokemon are his property. That is how every game goes, as each trainer makes his own identity through how he raised his Pokemon. TPP (Twitch Plays Pokemon), on the other hand, completely reverses those roles. How can a trainer made up of thousands of personalities tell his own story? He doesn't. The Pokemon do. The Pokemon are the stars of the show now, and the trainer is just a meat puppet that interacts with the humans because the Pokemon can't do it themselves.

TPP also gives rise to a new genre of gaming altogether, called group-playing. I personally don't know if group-playing was "a thing" before TPP, but I know that is sure is a thing now. A game like Pokemon is the perfect platform to play this style on, too, since it's all strategic and not time-based at all. Imagine if the same concept was practiced on a Mario or Sonic the Hedgehog game. There would literally be no progression thanks to the limits of the game. Pokemon allows you to take your time, train, nickname things every once in a while, tragically release your Charmeleon from your team and explore a giant world.

After Pokemon Crystal is beaten, what happens next? Pokemon Emerald? Or will there be a new saga introduced to the group-play mode? I find it so very fascinating, seeing what happens when so many people take hold of one avatar. A game that was meant to be played alone has taken leaps and bounds we never would have dreamed because of the minds of thousands.

why.

Life is a big buffet. You go down the line, put things on your plate, and try each little bit out. At times you get back into the line to dish up more of that one casserole you really loved. Other times the jello tastes kinda sour, and you only manage to take a nibble and throw away the rest. You fill up on everything you can, though, because you don't want to regret avoiding a food that could influence your taste buds forever.

This is how life goes. I equate the foods here to being experiences, interests, hobbies and passions. I've been through the buffet line, and I'm content with the "foods" that I've grown to enjoy. I'm not going to list all of my interests and hobbies, of course, but a few that I want to highlight are my affinity for Japanese culture, video games, and other forms of entertainment such as Homestuck, Vocaloid, and table-top gaming.

I really like these things. I love to learn more about them, be involved in them, and sprinkle aspects of each interest into my every day life.

But why?

This is the question I have come to, after finding out what I like and how it has become a staple in my activities each day. Why do I like these things so much? I roll a bunch of dice around and deal "damage" to imaginary monsters. My iPod is full of music sung in a language I can't even understand. I naturally know every button and command on an electronic controller. WHY DO I ENJOY THESE THINGS?

I ask myself this question because I know there are people out there that will ask me the same thing someday. I don't want to give a lame answer like, "Well, I just DO." I want reasons. I want purpose. I've put myself onto this path so that I can understand myself better. Maybe, if I can give purpose to my hobbies and interests, I can develop a better appreciation for the world around me, as well as myself. I wouldn't seem to be jumping on a bandwagon. I'd be myself because I reason to.

purpose.

I figured I would post this because it explains the reason why I began blogging, what it has done for me, and what I hope to achieve with it in the future. I wrote this essay for my writing class at college. Before I begin, though, I just want to say that I know I haven't been doing well as far as updates go. Heck, it's been 3 months. I've been in a limbo where I've had so much that I want to write about, but I didn't want to trouble too many people with those things since they were frankly depressing. This last little while has been difficult more me, but looking back on it (and still climbing out of it), none of it really mattered. I just had to suck it up and find my own way to live. That's the part I'm trying to discover right now. So, with that little "status update" out of the way, here is my essay:

The Beginning of My Words

            Anyone can tell you I’m reserved. That’s no secret. If you observe me for a day, you can tell that I tend to put my headphones in or move my fingers across a game controller. At family gatherings, I listen to all the stories and conversations being shared rather than place myself at the center of them. I tend to be on the outside looking in, watching each person that pops into existence as they walk around a street corner, and then fade from reality once they leave the corner of my eye. Lots of information enters into me through my five senses. I contently bathe in these senses each day and wonder what new memories I will make tomorrow.

            How I really feel, though, is a longing to be included in life. I want to feel the social waters encircle me. I wish I could become a foundation in a group of people rather than a fifth wheel. However, I have a problem. I have trouble with expression. My tongue is a tricky tool that likes to rigidify at times, or I’m altogether too shy to even approach that cute girl I keep seeing in the hallway. All these words that I can only feel go unspoken as I continue to sit by myself, viewing the passersby.

            I have always been a decent writer. Writing, unlike speaking, allows one to take time to create feelings into words. The delete button is handy in taking back a thought before it permanently flutters via sound waves. I pay special notice to grammar and spelling so that I may appear as intelligent as I aspire to be. This, to me, was the only way to open the corked bottle so that my imaginations could be made free in a form that could stand on its own and illustrate life as I saw and experienced it.

            I began blogging in September of 2010. I wanted to put myself into physical form, onto a place where I could be seen and understood by others. My first few posts were very rough. I wasn’t sure how to approach this new medium, so I acted flamboyant and over-the-top to get the attention of my friends. It worked for a little bit, but the content was so vivid it made one’s eyes roll as I was blatantly forcing myself to use this façade. I began to explore different approaches. I finally found a nice niche after my summer semester of English class in 2011.

            The assigned reading for the class was a book called Pilgrim at Willow Creek, a book written very similarly to Walden. It tells of a woman visiting her vacation cabin and writing of her experiences there as she bonded with and grew in her understanding of nature writes it. I quite easily put myself in her shoes since the way she gained material for her stories was by sitting and observing. The way she viewed nature helped me expand my own eyes and perceive things differently. One of my favorite blog entries that I wrote took this approach:

            “I was sitting in sacrament meeting today, close to the wall and by myself. No different from any other Sunday. After the closing prayer, a member of the bishopric stood up and began making some announcements. He asked if there were any new faces in the ward, and wanted them to stand up. I got curious and started looking around the congregation. It wasn't the people standing up that suddenly caught my eye, though; instead, close to that person, was a guy sitting down. Chomping his gum. His mouth was flapping open and closed. In the row behind him, a girl was doing the same thing. My eye started catching all these mouth opening and closing, forming large O shapes. I made this connection: I was in a congregation of goldfish.”

I was able to make observations like this and share them with others through my blogging and the example of brilliant writers like the one that wrote Pilgrim at Willow Creek.

            Many aspects of my personality have not changed. I still remain pretty silent and reserved. I continue to play my games and listen to my music. My senses remain open to receiving new sights, smells and feelings. I have learned, however, how to communicate this new information in a format that makes me comfortable and clear. I’m glad that I began blogging so that I had an outlet through which to be myself and help others see who I am. My grandma, for example, after reading a few of my blog entries, said, “Wow! I didn’t know Matthew had so much to say!”

            Well, the truth is, Grandma, I don’t say much.

            But I can write it.

influence.

The Spirit is a tricky topic to discuss when it comes to how to recognize it in its infinite forms as it tugs at our unique, completely-diverse heart strings. My Institute teacher this morning said, "The greatest false doctrine we are teaching our Primary children is that the Spirit is felt through a burning in the bosom." It was a harsh statement, but he backed it up with good evidence. To Oliver Cowdery, the Lord said, "...if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you." I'm not going against scripture here, and neither is my Institute teacher, but he went on to say that a burning in the bosom was how Oliver personally felt the Spirit. I've felt the Spirit's influence in that form before, and I know my investigators on the mission did. However, it is not the same for everyone, and we should not rely on finding that one singular feeling to know that the Spirit is present.

II'll be nerdy for a moment and turn to Zelda. There is a legend within the game that three goddesses came from the heavens and formed the earth, the air and the life that dwells therein. These goddesses left their power on the land in the form of the Triforce.

Remember what the names of the three pieces of the Triforce are? Power, Wisdom and Courage. This, to me, summarizes how I have felt the Spirit in my life. I have felt the Spirit as a burning in the bosom; a power that overwhelms the soul to the point of exhaustion. Such was the case in many Priesthood blessings I've been privileged to give. I have also received pure intelligence and wisdom, adding to my understanding of the Atonement and my own purpose in life, through the Spirit. I would like to focus on a particular way I have felt the Spirit's influence in my life that I find very interesting, yet strengthening.

It is a feeling that I have only recently discovered in the last few months, but I know that it is really ONE way I can feel the Spirit. The Spirit gives me courage to make decisions. I wanted to share this because it still astounds me how great the Spirit's influence is in our lives, and how God guides our hearts. Courage was definitely not one of the blessings I would have pointed out at first. Usually, we hear the Holy Ghost gives us comfort and strength, or helps us learn. Those are pretty basic emotions to comprehend. Whenever the Savior said to his saints, "Take courage", I always figured that we had to provide that ourselves, I suppose. It seemed like a more intense usage of the word "hope". However, I know now for myself that God has given me courage through the Spirit, and it is now a spiritual language I can focus on and learn. Let me give a brief example.

I was texting a friend of mine the night before, and I said some things that I was worried might have offended them. I said a short prayer in my room, asking God if I should call my friend and apologize for anything I might have said wrong. The Spirit came on me, and it did feel a bit like a burning in the bosom (to give the physical aspect of the feeling), but what impressed me more was a strong desire to make the call. I immediately received a buck-up-and-do-it attitude. I called my friend, and they were very nice and understanding after I apologized. Honestly, what I had said probably wasn't even a big deal for them, but the call comforted me so much.

I had similar experiences on the mission, looking back on it. I sometimes had the courage to knock on a door on my own volition, or approach someone about the restored gospel. I could say that the Spirit was there to let me know everything was going to be ok, but it was more than that. The Spirit gave me a driving passion to accomplish what I needed to do, regardless of consequence or obstacle. Is that not courage?

This is such a miracle and blessing to me, especially since I'm very shy and don't know how to make small talk very well. I'm not a social philanthropist in any way. I'm pretty reserved in environments and discussions that are foreign to me. But the Spirit helps me overcome that.

Never limit the Spirit to what it SHOULD feel like or what it SHOULD do. In fact, we ought to learn the language of the Spirit for ourselves. Get to know the Spirit. Learn how to recognize the language it speaks to you. God calls each of us using a voice we'll recognize, and he recognizes our voices right back. Do we all pray the same to God? Heavens, no. So also God speaks in ways that we will understand and apply best.

dump.

I'm sitting here at UVU, nothing to do, and I figure that if I want to stay true to my weekly blog update, I have to take this opportunity. Let's throw some ideas at the wall and see what sticks.

spiral.

Today, I'm going to combine 3 things that struggle against each other all the time: anime, philosophy and religion.

Don't worry. I mostly know what I'm doing.

There is a show, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann (which I do not suggest to anyone under the age of 16. The show might have some cool insight, but it's still the Japanese being silly Japanese), that was written with a certain philosophical idea in mind. Once I knew what this idea was, I decided to research the idea even further, and I have come out of it with not only existential knowledge, but religious insight as well. I wish to write today about Spiral Dynamics.

kindled.

Two years is a long time to live a dedicated life to the Lord in the extreme that I did. It was definitely a learning and growing experience to gain the Holy Ghost's guidance and influence at the level and consistency I needed to fulfill my role as a missionary. I won't say that I had the Spirit with me at all times and that it led me to every door and person I approached. In fact, I doubt most missionaries ever achieve that kind of dependence at all times. We're human. It's difficult. I did appreciate, though, the confirming Spirit that what I was doing as I served was right. I know that He was always there to help me along. Always.

finale.

Thank you for all the support you guys have given me these past couple of years. I've made many friends; new ones from college, and renewed ones from living in Utah for 8.5 years.

I love you all.

When I come back, I'll be on a journey for my own rebirth. Think if it as a New Game+. I'm expecting you guys to bring the me you all know and love back, alright? Counting on you guys. Keep me in your thoughts, prayers, and dance parties. Maybe dedicate some ballad to me on occasion.

Well, here I go.

penultimate.

 I AM LEAVING FOR MY MISSION ON OCTOBER 12th

I'm guessing this will be my second-to-last post on here before my mission. I'm leaving a couple loose ends. I haven't finished detailing my adventures in San Diego, nor have I written about the other half of my Hawaii trip. I just don't really have the concentration to do those things right now... I don't have the concentration to do anything, it seems. My life is literally being thrown away as I know it, and I don't know how to react other than shutting down. I don't have the resources or availability to really get started with projects I'd like to do in my life. I'm so ready to start living for once, but I can't do it. White noise is surrounding me, and it's so loud that I try to listen to all of it to pick out what I need to focus on.

adventure.

From Tuesday, August 9 to Monday, August 15, I went on a grand adventure to San Diego, California with a car full of strangers that slowly became friends. For the most part, anyway. Any pictures can be clicked on for a larger view, and some language may occur in this post. You've been warned.

Here was the party.

mindless.

I was walking down to my English class this morning, which is in UVU's basement floor. I was staring idly at the patterns in the stairs, while keeping my head down to avoid eye contact with anyone in the halls. On the last step, the pattern was interrupted in the corner of my eye. I looked, adjusting my vision to focus on this discontinuation, and I still had trouble seeing what I was looking at, exactly.

do-re-mi.

I like to sing. I listen to lots of music, and mostly enjoy the ones that I am able to sing. Sometimes it's not even in English, but as long as it's in my vocal range, I don't mind doo-dooing along.

flit.

Right now, in my writing class, we're reading a book called Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, written by Annie Dillard. It's a nature journal, similar to Thoreau's Walden, but in more modern (and for me, understandable) language. I came into writing class this afternoon, and my usual desk-mate came in a few minutes later and sat next to me. He pulled out his book, flipped through a few pages, and said to me, "I do not like this book." I laughed a bit and asked why, and he told me that it was monotonous.

leek.

Been a while since I posted something. Work and school have kept me busy. But this time, I actually have something to talk about, instead of life's goings on.

Did you know the world has a virtual pop idol? It's a crazy thought, something I didn't expect to happen until maybe 2020, but we have one. Right now. In fact, we have more than one pop idol. We have an entire "family" of them.

From left to right: Meiko, Kaito, Megurine Luka, Hastune Miku, Gakupo, Kagamine Rin, Kagaine Len

fab.

Here is my final project for my 2D Design class. The objective was to make something that had to do with your major. Since mine is graphic design, I decided to make a
 promotional poster for the Beatles' last public concert, for which they told no one about before it happened. It took place on the roof of the Apple Studio, and they sang to many office workers on their lunch breaks. Crowds filled the streets, and the police went up to the roof to stop the production. The Beatles ended up performing the entire concert anyway.

Click for an enlarged version.

similar.

It's about time for an update, and a life-related one, at that.

First off, I've been listening to this new song (Update: Sony's killing anyone that posts this song. It's called Aoi Shiori by Galileo Gailiei) that's played at the intro of an amazing new anime I've been watching. The title's really long, but the nickname for it is AnoHana. The series starts off with a kid that hasn't gone to school for an entire semester. Going into his past, he used to have four other friends, and they formed a small club called the Super Peace Busters. One day, a girl in the group, Menma, dies in a river as the club gets together. From then on, the club slowly disbanded, and everybody grew up separately. From where we pick up in the story, the main character, Jintan, starts seeing Menma's ghost. She looks like she had grown up just as much as all the other members of the Super Peace Busters. Menma remembers that she wanted a certain wish granted by Jintan on the day she died, but she can't remember what it is. Jintan's job is to find out Menma's wish and help grant it. Over the course of his efforts, he reunites with his former friends. Many tears are shed because Menma is still around, reminding everyone of the pain they still feel from that day she died.

kickin'.

It's been a week since my last post, so I feel like it's about update time.

It feels like there's something I've been wanting to talk about today, but nothing's coming to mind, so I'll go with a subject I thought up a couple days ago that I had no time to talk about until now.

I think a big part of being a youth (or youthful) is to go on a few big adventures in your life. A big adventure, to me, is going to a large setting that is unique to your normal lifestyle with some comrades. Your parents aren't there. Maybe a couple of siblings, depending on your relationship. Best case scenario, go with some mere acquaintances. These big adventures are a great way to discover more about yourself, as well as develop great friendships with others. A couple of adult guides are a must, because we are merely youths, and can't get by doing everything by ourselves in the world. We're still knowing simply how to exist in it, let alone mold it into what we want. Anyway, these big adventures have been incredible points in my life.